Depressed and What I Intend to do about It.

I am depressed today.  Feeling beat, defeated, hopeless.  What is causing this?  The usual... Trying to find work, staring down the barrel of a fiscal gun.  Wondering how long I will get to stay in my reasonable-rent apartment, wondering what I will lose, wondering how soul crushing it will be to have to have an estate sale while still alive, wondering how I will cope with the horrible loss of my pets because I cant take them with me to a subsidized apartment, and feeling so much guilt and shame over the worry I am causing my parents.  Its days like these, I feel like disappearing, or wish I could.  I have those days frequently.

So what will I do to deal with this?  I got dressed.  Thats the first thing to do.  Never sleep in.  Get up, get dressed, put on your shoes.  Next I will drink a cup of black coffee.  This is what I did almost every morning before heading off to work.  It triggers a kind of flashback for me, of having things to do, places to go, people to meet.  Of having a schedule, meetings, deadlines.

Then I will do the dishes, that have been piling up.  Then I will hand-wash a linen shirt.  I have quite a bit of backed  up clothing that requires hand-washing...

Then I will clean out the fridge (of rotting veggies I didn't eat because I continue to have the palate of a 5 year old).

Then I will eat something for lunch - probably just an orange...

Then I will do a load of laundry.

Then I will go to the gym, for at least 45 minutes on the treadmill.  Sometimes it makes me feel better, sometimes I leave feeling frustrated.  Because I sabotage anything accomplished with my feeding frenzies.

Then I will go to the grocery store for kitty litter for the cats, and something healthy to eat for dinner.  I am stumped on what that might be.... perhaps some mushrooms and peppers, with skinless chicken, for a stirfry dish.  If anyone can offer some good tips for 1-person quick and healthy stirfry meals, Im all ears!

Especially any of you thin lanky people - what do YOU eat most nights?  Looking to change the nightly habit of choosing between a few choices - box of mac and cheese, frozen pizza, or a big bowl of pasta with sauce, grated cheese, and a couple slices of bread.

Then I will come home, do another load of laundry, and work on a resume for a job I saw that I will probably never hear back for. Not because Im pessimistic, but because I am a realist, and this has been the trend for some time now.

Then I will cook and eat supper

and then before bed, I will come back here and tell you how much of the above I got accomplished, and how I feel about it!