What finally brought me around to get back on the blog and my obesity problem? Well, I am involved in a resume and interview workshop. I have been out of work for over 4 years now. I was once solidly amongst the middle-class, with a professional position.
Ironically, my now devastated career was a physically demanding job, requiring construction site visits, and hours of hiking through woods and fields, up and down rocky hills, and through swamps. I continued to gain weight throughout the last 15 or so years of my career, in spite of the rigorous field work. I was horrified when several years ago, I was on a field trip to study vernal pools with many of my colleagues. I could not keep up with the group, and found myself huffing and puffing on the trails and falling far behind. I was mortified when one of the group leaders hung back to bring up the rear - MY rear, and asking me if I wanted to rest a moment. It was a horrible experience for me. I was once very active, I enjoyed bird watching and flatwater kayaking. I enjoyed exploring the woods. I can no longer fit in a kayak, and I can no longer make my way down a steep wooded slope without fear of injury. I know that just based on age alone, there are things I used to be able to do such as jumping over logs in the woods - that I may no longer be able to do, but I would at least like to be able to step or climb over them! I may not be able to ever go back to the rigorous field work my career demanded, but I hope to enter back into my career in a less physically rigorous role some day.
But here is the real wake-up call. In the resume workshop, we are practicing interviewing. I have access to Human Resources professionals in these workshops. I have asked them to critique my dressing, and I failed miserably. I was told I must wear a jacket to an interview. It is very difficult to find a decent fitting jacket when one is 5'2" and 240 lbs., with most weight in the belly. Tucking in shirts is not an option for me unless I want to disgust people entirely.
I had to struggle to find a single jacket that barely fits. I cannot button it, and I must wear it over a button-up blouse that is not tucked in.
I desperately need to return to work. I am in jeopardy of losing what little I have left. I am caught in a bad economy, with bad health, obesity, a long career gap, and a less than stellar work history. I fear not being able to support myself, of losing every last bit of the middle-class life I once had. I fear destitution.
It is that fear that compels me now to return to combating this obesity problem. Even if I were to become healthy with an optimal weight, there is no guarantee I will be able to find gainful employment again, anytime soon. I worry... But I can't let the litany of troubles - the career gap, the side-lined career, the various discriminations against the overweight, anyone over 40, and the unemployed - stop me from trying. But I am aware of them. They terrify me. I can't turn the clock back and change my age, or the career gap, or the troubles in my previous work life. But I do have control over my weight. I can work on that.
Perhaps if I can look half decent in business attire, I may be able to find a job that pays a living wage. I have to admit though, given the state of the economy and all the horror stories I know of - people who don't have health issues, and who have excellent work histories unable to find work -well - what chance have I got? - I have an against-all-odds, desperate hope that there is a job out there for me.... because the alternatives are horrifying.
And I spend a great deal of time lately reminiscing about the past - when my future was so bright, I had to wear shades. Now it seems so dark, I could use a powerful flashlight.
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